


past lives

by bowlerhatfringe



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Drabble, F/M, ME3 Spoilers, Synthesis Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 17:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/664552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bowlerhatfringe/pseuds/bowlerhatfringe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She cannot see the present, she can only see the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	past lives

She leaps and she’s disappearing. Inch by inch more of her escapes into specks of code, code she’ll never understand, never want to understand.

She’s floating, suspended by power.

She can’t feel her legs.

She cannot see the present, she can only see the past.

Legion looking to her, her old N7 armour gleaming under the light of the AI core. _Shepard-Commander._

Tali grasping her hands, close to her and both of them smiling at the promise of something deeper than friends. _Sisters._

Anderson smiling at her. _You did good, kid._

She cannot feel her hips.

She sees Kaidan, weary with a furrowed brow. There is a look of sadness in his eyes but, overall, a look of acceptance. A mended bond of friendship she will always cherish.

Her waist--

_three fingered talons skim her waist, a brush of affection. She presses into the touch and leans forward, lips pressing sweetly against a mandible. “Don’t start what you can’t finish,” Garrus teases. Shepard smiles. “I think I should be saying that to you.” and pushes against him so his back is on the mattress. Debriefing for the next mission can wait._

Her head aches. 

_"Are you fighting for him?" Liara asks her. Sherpard looks away._

She can't feel her fingers. 

_"The vids never said it would be like this." He says a little breathily, and Shepard can feel her heart skip, but she tries to appear smug._

Being suspended like this, in this column of light, Shepard is only reminded of dying in space, swallowed in silence. 

_"You and a turian, huh?" Miranda says to herself, looking at her clipboard. Shepard narrows her eyes and dares her to say more. Miranda smiles softly. It's enough that Shepard is caught off guard. "Shepard, even you deserve some happiness."_

Mordin and Thane enter her line of sight and she’s overcome with so much anguish. She tries to see beyond the memories-- they’re painful, they’re awful and beautiful and she loves her friends, she loves Garrus, but she’s leaving them with this impossible reality, she’s _leaving_. She’s glad she can’t muster up the strength to give in to the guttural cry that’s building her chest--

is gone. She hears a voice,

_You’ve made the right choice._

It’s the star-child.

_Sleep, you’ve done your part._

“ _I’ll always love you.” She kisses him and for a moment they’re not on the battlefield, it’s just the two of them._

Everything is white

 

 

 

 

  
and then there is nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> It's confusing but that's what I was aiming for. There is some in-game dialogue and non-cannon dialogue, whee. Also,
> 
> i'm sorry. I just, I finally beat ME3 this week and there were so many tears gah. I chose synthesis and even though I could argue all the ways that it's awful and non-consensual and at the same time peaceful and saves lives, however, this is but a drabble and I'll just curl in a ball and die now, 'kay?


End file.
